I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
