im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
