Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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