The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
