so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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