just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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