3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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