Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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