i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
