Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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