I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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