Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
