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In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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