I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm both gender and math confused
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
