if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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