don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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