i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
