Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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