i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
