last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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