I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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