It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Vodka?
Forever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
