porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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