yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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