I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
