wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
