i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
