No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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