You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
