We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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