there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
