How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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