Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
