hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
