I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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