I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
