seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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