i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
