My Higher Power is John Stamos
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
