He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
