why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
