ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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