My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
