OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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