They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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