She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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