I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize