I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
