do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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