I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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