Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
