"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
