You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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