some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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