My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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