I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
