Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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