i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
