the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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