forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
