I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Never joke about your clitoris.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
