One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
