once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
