im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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