goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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