booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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