My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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