i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
