The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
