it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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