They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
