The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
