My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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